complicated feeling

Well, today I damn easily emotional . especially with a person that I had no idea . I’m not sure what friend told me is true or fault. and I not even sure what is mine now, what is true answer behind . like my dad say , I m treating everyone as my friend , good with them, in the end I a person who will get hurt .i really don’t know how to describe my feeling now . I keep on thinking the past memories with you , thinking that are we two have chance become a couple or we just maintain the brother sister relationship?? Because I know that last time you really treating me very good and more than others treat me . and somehow I wish I can go back the time when we working together . I miss the joyful and sweet time with you , I can say that you really do a lot thing for me , although is just a small thing, but it mean a lot for me . Angelice told me that we two very shady , and she say that the way you treat me is very different , and bla ..bla… in that moment I was stunt and I can’t believe on it , and I told her , that he treat me well is because of I’m her sister that why like this , but angelice say that ‘s not a answer . but still I m not dare to think more and go 1 more step, I scare to get hurt , I afraid to face it .

lastly, my career , Inside my deeper heart , I want to success , I want show other who am I ? I want to prove to others that who look me down , make my parent feel proud of me . I m just want to shine at the sky !! but I know I lost myself , I like standing t-junction not dare to make a move . am I scare ? am I lose faith ? or what ? I just damn freaking scare to move , like my dad said , because I getting a lot of hurt and not even release out , that why it cause thing happen like nowadays .well .. I need to find balance , a balance of my life . so that return to chili girl and rock the word . I can do it , nick vjuick can , I must can . cause I want financial freedom , enjoy my lifestyle with my family =) . cheers I can do it .